on a bike
I hate this school. I hate this school so much. I don’t know why i ever came here because it is so fucking ridiculous. I need to breathe and i need to stop. I won’t be on tumblr until summer, because i need to do this. I’m deleting my tumblr app and i’m taking it off my bookmarks bar. Goodbye.
I’m just so… lost.
I’ve changed so much from the version of myself I loved the most. My life used to be literally perfect, and now it’s barely manageable. I’m not in control of myself anymore and I wish I was good with words or art or something so that I can express what I’m feeling but I’m just not.
In my dream last night i could remember what being in love feels like, and it’s the most amazing feeling in the world.
Today Mark, the cute guy that works at the grocery store, flirted with me. FINALLY. you guys don’t get it I see him every time I go shopping and I always go in his line and today I decided to look cute because it felt so good out and he flirted with me and it was perfect and I KNOW he was flirting with me because he never talks to anyone and he talked to me and he was smiling the whole time and we talked for however long it took for him to mark up my groceries and it was exactly what I needed.
I can’t compare myself to others.
I’ve got to do what’s best for me.
I am making the best out of my situation.
I’m doing this for my future.
I’m doing this for my family.
People do this all the time.
This is the mature thing to do.
This is what an adult would do.
I don’t need to leave to grow up.
This is okay.
This isn’t embarrassing.
This isn’t a bad thing.
I will thank myself in the long run.
I’m still in a better situation than a lot of other people.
I don’t need to be like the rest of them because I’m different.
I can not compare myself to them.
It’s okay.
It’ll all be alright.
I’m trading one life experience for another, a better one.
This is about me, not them.
I can’t compare myself to others.
One time I was sitting in class and I had a crush on the boy sitting next to me, and in the middle of class on some random day he says to me “I like to watch you read, because your eyebrows go up and it’s really cute.”
I just thought that was the most romantic thing because he had noticed something so little, he had inadvertently admitted to watching, and admiring me in the corner of his eye and i don’t know, it made me feel kind of special.
